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Daddy Dearest: Single fathers on their joys, sacrifices and struggles

Being a single father brought a whole new understanding of love and of parenting for 36-year-old Bhaskar Palit. Ask him what he means, and he says: “When you’re half asleep or have just woken up, the person you automatically reach out to is the one you truly love and rely on. Every morning I wake up at 6 and before I go to work, this little guy will do that. That feeling is worth every challenge I face,” he says.

As a single father, he says, he’s figured out something that might shock some people. Being “mother” is just a synonym for someone who’s there when you need them.

“If the child knows he can depend on someone completely, that person becomes the ‘mother’ for him. We just think of it this way because usually it’s the mothers who are with the children all the time while the father provides. The word ‘mother’ doesn’t have to do with gender, it’s actually a set of emotions put together,” he says. 

“The microwave became my one stop solution. Once he wanted his Winnie the Pooh socks but they had just been washed. I dried them in the microwave so he could wear them,” Prithvish recalls.

With help from his mother and sister, he ensured that Talish never lacked a mother-figure in his life.

Although full-time dads are few and far between, there are some who are once-a-month-dads. Ashok Acharya, a 46-year-old entrepreneur, is one such man.

Estranged from his wife, Ashok did not get to see or have any contact with his son, Adit, between 2010 and 2012.

“He was eight when I saw him in January 2012. He just burst into tears, jumped up and hugged me. I can never forget that moment,” recounts Ashok, who has struggled for many years to have visitation rights to his son. Since then he’s been allowed one weekend a month with Adit but no contact otherwise.

“When I met him after two years, things were a little uneasy at first. But after the first 4-5 visits, they fell into place,” he says. For the first two years after he got visitation, Ashok took Adit to a different place each weekend they met. Over time, Ashok and Adit bonded over sports. Ashok taught Adit how to play squash, table tennis and to swim.

“The hardest part about being a single father in this situation is to use that one weekend to the fullest,” says Ashok. “You don’t sleep for more than four hours. You use every inch of the time you have,” he adds. Things get especially hard on Sunday evenings, he says, when they know time is running out.

What keeps Ashok going despite all the struggle is the hope that one day Adit might live with him.

“I could not have done all this for myself,” he says. “A soldier dies for his fellows in the platoon. I guess Adit is my platoon,” he smiles.

For Prithvish, what makes all the challenges of being a single father worth it is what he calls “morning hug-time” with his son. “Every morning, without fail, we have a 5-8 minute hug when Talish would put his leg over me and hug me. That’s worth everything.”

So, what do these single fathers want this Father’s day?

“I had told both of my daughters that when they start earning well, I want them to give me a BMW. So that would be nice,” laughs Varun.

Bhaskar meanwhile imagines a hypothetical scenario where his son would grow up a little faster and he, a little slower. “So hopefully when we’re at a similar age, I’d like to share a couple of beers with my son,” he says.

When asked what he would like for father’s day, Prithvish hands the phone to Talish. “I think what he (Prithvish) wants the most is a good report card,” replies Talish after a lot of thinking.

Meanwhile, for Ashok, an ideal father’s day would be spending the day with his son with the rest of his family at home, in Bangalore. “It won’t happen though,” he says. However, there’s a silver lining for him. “We have been planning the meeting next weekend though. So I’ll see him soon!”



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